As a relationship coach, one of the most frequent questions I get asked is – What is a coach and what do you do? Some people are best able to relate to the sports analogy of coaching. Think about a two person athletic team [e.g.volleyball, synchronized diving, rowing] and why they would hire a coach. The reasons and motivations vary – some people believe and/or feel that they have basic talents and would like to develop them to the next level. Others think or feel that they need an objective party to observe [in the case of a relationship coach it would be about listening as well in the confines of the therapeutic setting] how they are performing and could benefit from suggestions of what to keep or stop doing or practicing other ways to improve. Let me offer an analogy to frame coaching in a different light.
When you are madly in love, the rest of the world ceases to exist. No one except the issues you and your partner. This behavior can irritate people, especially those who are single. That’s why you must keep some ‘us’ things to your private space:
The ‘baby’ talk
It’s okay to call your lover ‘baby’, but don’t treat him/her like one in public. Do not fuss over each other unnecessarily. You don’t have to constantly remind your partner to eat, drink or sleep.
Joined at the hip
As a couple, you may feel the need to be together all the time. But if a friend invites you for a movie, never say, ‘I’ll have to ask my girlfriend/boyfriend if I can come.’ Why this sudden change in behaviour? Being in a relationship or marriage doesn’t mean forgetting old friends.
PDA can be avoided
When in love, you may find it difficult to keep your hands off each other. Public display of affection (PDA) is not wrong, but there is a time and place for everything. Getting touchy-feely in front of your friends may make them feel awkward.
‘We’ in every conversation
Most couples do this even before they’re married. It’s okay if you are talking about something that you did together. But why should you insist on saying ‘we’, when ‘me’, ‘he’ or ‘she’ is more appropriate? There are times when you have to speak as an individual.
Never crticise your friends’ single status just because you are in a relationship. And don’t try to fix them up with ‘potential’ partners. If they want help, they’ll tell you. Otherwise, just let them be.