We all know what it feels like to know a relationship is in the past, but neither side seems willing to step up and stop it. It may be easier at the expense of much time and hope things get better by themselves, but you know better than actually think that’s a reasonable strategy, right? Do not talk when you know your relationship is over is cowardly, and ultimately not fair to her either. Sometimes a relationship can stagnate for so long that you can actually forget what it’s like to feel fully alive and happy. That boring routine becomes the new benchmark for normal life. Do not let this happen to you.
Instead of riding the wave of momentum, take action. Yes, this is going to be difficult, but if you are sure that you are not happy and the painful experience worthwhile. [Read: Say Good Bye to Your Boyfriend in Good Way]
Don’t throw her in a web of lies. If you just plain lost interest, tell her. It’s better for her than doing endless searching to figure it out. I’m not suggesting giving such specifics that she loaths herself for one mistake. Tell her the truth.
Out of respect for her, never tell your friends you’re going to break up before telling her it’s over. It’s a simple thing women consider sacred. The all too connected grapevine is not the place she should or deserves to be told that you’re no longer interested. You could discuss some relationship problems you’re having with your buddies, but your final decision to break up with her should remain private.
If you’re trying to break up with your girlfriend, talk about it with her. When you’re having a conversation about your relationship after one of those big fights, ask for her opinion on the relationship.
Stay calm and ask her if she thinks it would be better if both of you were friends instead of lovers.
Throwing in an open ended question in a subtle manner can actually help your girlfriend understand where you’re going with the conversation. By talking about it with her instead of making a statement, you’re making her feel involved in the decision. It’ll be easier to handle. Mutual decisions are always easier to handle.
Don’t Say We Need a Break
What the hell does “taking a break” mean anyways? Oh God. I’ve initiated that and others have as well toward me. It is the most ambiguous, weird thing possible. If you want to work it out, don’t take a break. You’re pissed off-so you two don’t want to talk for a month? Alright. Your call. But silence rarely brings answers. The number one reason relationships fail is communication. So to lock yourself into no communication usually ends in you finding an answer: breaking up. [Also Read: Benefits of Taking Break in a Relationship]
I’m not saying time off hasn’t helped people. I’m no expert. But if you are trying to work through things and it never works, try counseling. Don’t take a break, then huddle in your separate corners, and let time pass while her friends are tearing you apart in her ears.
By setting a time and place to meet you will be in control. Find a public place where you will still be able to have a private conversation. Ideally you want this date to be short and to the point, so a coffee shop is a perfect location for what you are about to do. Doing this in public also greatly reduces the likelihood of tears or screaming.
Exes never make good friends. So once you do break up, it’s probably the end of the relationship. But leave the option to her. Let her know that you’ll always be there for her as a friend. Tell her that she could call you if she wants, but it would be better to avoid each other for a while until the wounds heal. Remind her that you love her too, but seeing that there’s no happy ending in sight, you see no option but to end the relationship before it becomes too painful to handle for either of you. [Read: Can You be Friend with Your Ex After Breakup]
Fault shouldn’t rest wholly on either person’s shoulders. Pinning her with the scarlet letter will forever brand you as a jerk, not to mention accelerate her emotional anguish. On the other hand, refrain from assuming responsibility with a version of the trite “It’s not you, it’s me” line. Your best bet is to shy away from pointing fingers and direct attention at the central issue: incompatibility.
If the waterworks start, don’t flip-flop on your decision to break-up. If it was the right thing to break-up before she was crying, it’s still the right thing. Let her cry. It’s alright. Maybe you will too. If the relationship has major problems and you don’t want to be in it anymore, break it off. Otherwise you’re just stringing yourself along.